Sorority Mom: The College Journey Begins

I don’t know how many moms before me have been through the experience of sending their child off to college, but I am, at this moment, in the throes of sending my one and only off on her journey.

So many emotions, so little time to find a moment to truly take in all that will change - both in her life and in mine.  Perhaps that’s the way it’s supposed to be.  Who can truly take in any momentous change in one breath? 

When we give birth to them we instantly realize it is in that one moment our lives have changed forever.  Just as our aunts, mothers, and loved ones told us, we are filled with a pure love that simply overtakes us.  This tiny person has captured our heart and soul in a way we could have never dared to try to understand.  We count their fingers and toes, stare and marvel at them for hours, stick our heads into their bassinet too many times to count just to make sure they’re breathing, burp them, change them, feed them, rock them, sing to them, hang on every sound, and move they make, protect them, teach them, encourage them, worry about them, guide them, celebrate them.  So many emotions that simply cannot be summed up in one moment but require a lifetime.

There are some moments, however, that take on a life of their own.  Sending my daughter off to college is, for me, that moment because I truly believe it is the first true step she is taking toward the rest of her life.  From pre-school, to elementary school, middle school, and high school, the end of the school day meant coming home to me.  Homework, after school activities, birthday parties, sleepovers, whatever was going on, I was there.  I was her touchstone.  Need help in math?  Mom will get a tutor.  Need a lift to practice?  Jump in mom’s car.  Invited to a party?  Mom picked up and wrapped the gift.  Want some friends to spend the night?  Mom will make sure there are enough snacks, drinks, movies, and blankets to go around.  I had a front row, center seat to all that was going on in her life.  The good, the not so good, the successes, the failures, the championships, and the heartbreaking losses.  Right there where she could see me, lock eyes with me, smile at me, walk over to me for a hug, laugh and wave at me as I screamed out her name at HS graduation.

In less than 3 days, I lose that seat.  My daughter gets the keys to the rest of her life, and I am no longer a spectator in all that will open up to her as it happens.  True, I’m only a phone call away, but it won’t be the same as listening to the bus pull up in front of the house, standing at the door watching her run up the front lawn, and crashing through the front door, ready to share the days triumphs and frustrations.   Oh sure, as she got older, the sharing became less as the grade levels got higher, but I was there if she needed me.

It was my lap she rested her head on at night, my laughter she wanted to hear when she told me the same “Knock, Knock…” joke for the 7th time in a row, my advice she sought when she bickered with her best friend, my gentle reminders when she was learning to drive, my shoulder to cry on the first time her heart was broken.  Now without her even knowing it, she needs me to be strong enough to let her take the first step toward the woman she is meant to be. 

I have made a solemn promise to smile with excitement, give her a kiss, remind her that I‘m just a phone call away, and tell this beautiful, young woman I have been blessed to raise how much I love her.  When the moment arrives to get in the car and wave goodbye, I pray she only sees the pride, and indescribable love I feel for her, and her alone.  I don’t want her to see the desperation I’m sure I will feel to have her home with me just one more night, because this is a moment to celebrate her. Only I will how many pieces my heart will be in as I drive away.