The SMOD Squad

Now that I am a Sorority Mom, I imagined being part of a new network of women who supported one another as we navigate our way through being mothers of college aged kids. I imagined a sisterhood would now exist amongst all of us because we Sorority Moms had experienced, or were experiencing a mutual bittersweet moment in time. And, from many of the responses I’ve received that is true; we’re all celebrating, and struggling with the fact that our “babies” are on their own for the first time.

There is, however, a subgroup of Sorority Moms I have dubbed the Sorority Mommas of Drama, or the SMOD Squad. Technically this group has existed since our children entered pre-school, straight through high school graduation. I naively believed once our children reached college this particular group would no longer exist, or at least evolve. Not so much.

The SMOD Squad are women/moms who have given birth to, and raised the smartest, most athletic, most popular, most EVERYTHING children any mother could pray for, and for whom no one else’s happiness, pain, sadness, elation, or now, empty nest syndrome, can be worse. When our children were babies, and sat up for the first time, their child was not only sitting up, he/she was standing, and break dancing; when our child took his/her first step, their child was doing the 50 yard dash; when our child said mama or dada for the first time, their child was reciting the Declaration of Independence. 

We all know at least one member of this club, and we’ve all been "outdone." Keep in mind, I’m not talking about the information seeking, give me a hug, can’t wait to share my good news conversations we have with our closest friends and relatives.  I’m talking about being in a group of women, exchanging stories about our children as well as their friends who have gone to college, and how we’re handling the huge shift that has taken place in all of our lives. But no matter what is said, a SMOD in the group always has a better story, a happier/sadder reaction, or a stronger prescription of anti-depressants.

Sorority Mom: “I’m still having a hard time waking up to a quieter house now that my daughter is gone. I’m so pathetic, I get choked up just seeing her car in the driveway.” (Big, sympathetic, group AWWW).

SMOD: “Well, if you think that’s bad, I found my baby’s old retainer, the one we thought she lost, and I got so upset I decided right then and there I would wear it every single night! I don’t care if my teeth shift, or fall out of my mouth. My husband thinks I’m crazy, but what does he know? She’s the last thing I think of before closing my eyes at night, and the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning.” 

Sounds like someone could use a pillow pet.

While I can certainly relate to wanting to feel closer to my daughter, is it really necessary for a SMOD member, at the very moment a Sorority Mom needs a sympathetic ear, to insist what she is going through is that much worse? Aren’t we all feeling a little lost right now? Am I wrong to assume that we all still find ourselves feeling melancholy when a certain song comes on the radio, or a television show we watched with our son or daughter starts, and we look at their empty spot on the couch? 

Another lesson I learned is how much of a status symbol the distance between you and your child is when you find yourself talking with a SMOD.

Sorority Mom: “I’m leaving tomorrow to see my son play in his first lacrosse game.  We’re going to get up around 6 a.m. to be there for 9 a.m. I used to hate the early morning drill, but now that he’s gone I’m actually looking forward to it again!”

SMOD:  “OMG, you don’t know how lucky you are to only have to drive 3 hours. At least you can see your son whenever you want!  We’re leaving tonight, driving to a hotel, then catching the train to the plane, jumping on the bus once we land, and rowing a boat we rented for the last two hours of the trip, just to see my son in his first lumberjack competition!”

What?  No dogsled rental? 

Let’s not forget the scholarship SMOD trap.

Sorority Mom: “She got an academic scholarship, and athletic scholarship.  Of course, the room and board, and the meal plan are another $10,000 – lol – but, I couldn’t be any prouder.”

SMOD:  “I know what you mean! My precious got a full ride, including room and board, and the school is paying for her car insurance, health insurance, manicures, pedicures, teeth whitening, haircuts, waxings, and all hotel and travel expenses for me and her dad. We’ll have to pay for her brother’s expenses when we travel, but we couldn’t be any prouder, either!” 

Call me naïve, but it seems to me that at this point in our lives we should be celebrating one another for helping our children reach their goals, and be equally happy for each of their accomplishments. They are ALL our future, and worked hard for their success, and we should be grateful. 

So, the next time it appears that a SMOD is diminishing the experience, pain, elation, or overall emotions of another Sorority Mom in my presence, I have vowed to hug her, tell her that her child’s absence from the dinner table every night, while sad, is a testament to her devotion and love as a mother, and insist she pay it forward.  She just may need a gentle reminder that she is not alone, and we all feel fortunate to be able to help her, and one another navigate this bittersweet part of our shared journey.

And, maybe I’ll suggest we take a trip to Target to buy a pillow pet.